


Calleth You, Cometh I

by Kollakolan



Category: SKAM (Norway), SKAM (TV)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Canon Related, Longing, M/M, Miscommunication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-19 18:32:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14243289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kollakolan/pseuds/Kollakolan
Summary: "I am sure you all have someone. No matter what life you are living at the present, if you are happy or unhappy, single or in a relationship. No matter who you have become or what you have done with your life.No matter if you are old now, content with the life you had, or still in the middle of your busy life, juggling children´s dance practice with late job meetings.And maybe sometime something reminds you of that someone, and you can´t help but think of the circumstances that led you to where you are now. And the circumstances that did not make that story happen.Not that you would definitely change anything about the life you have now. If things had played out differently, maybe it would just be one of your exes by now.Someone you tried it out with and ended it with, like all the others you left behind without ever looking back, before you are now settled with the love of your life.Or maybe, that was the love of your life and you didn´t even get to know it."Even stops reading. He´s not sure he wants to read anymore.





	Calleth You, Cometh I

He has a good life. There is really not much to complain about. At the moment he is sitting on a sundeck on a boat with a cold beer in his hand, looking out over Stockholm archipelago.

 

The boat belongs to Mutta, and Mikael and Elias is here as well. He really likes the fact that they managed to stay in contact over the years, even though they don´t get to see each other that often. But now and then, like right now, at least a few of them find some time to actually meet up.

 

Mutta invited them to come cruise with him for a few days during summer, and when Mikael and Elias found the time to come too, Even decided to spend a whole week stuck in a small boat sleeping toe to toe with Mikael. Which is why he is now sitting where he is, enjoying the afternoon in the harbour of Sandhamn.

 

Mutta´s Swedish wife Anna, and their two kids, just left with the ferry back to the main land, so now it´s only him and the boys left. Which is why they are currently drinking beer in the early afternoon, just enjoying the sounds of the sea gulls and the slow rolls of the waves under the boat. Sure, it´s non-alcoholic beer, but Even doesn´t mind. It´s the whole atmosphere and the company that does it anyway.

 

The conversation has drifted towards their younger years, which it often does, since they have most joint memories from those days.

 

“Oh yeah, do you remember Isak?” Elias suddenly asks.

 

Even snorts. Of course he remembers Isak. He remembers more about Isak than the boys probably would like to know.

 

“Isak!” Mikaels pipes up. “Didn´t you two have a thing?” he turns to Even.

 

A _thing,_ Even thinks to himself. Yes, Isak and him definitely had a thing. They actually had a low-key thing going for years, but it never really turned into something more. The timing was never right.

 

*

 

When Even finally broke it off with Sonja, after that horrible episode followed by that horrible Christmas, it took Even almost the whole Spring semester to get Isak to trust him again. And when they finally became friendly again Even graduated and went on a trip with his family for most of the summer, visiting relatives in the south of France.

 

You might think that Even was too old to spend the summer with his family, but after the events during the year, and his parents worrying so much about him, this was kind of their graduation present for him, to spend the summer abroad. And they wanted the family to do nice things together, before all kids would disappear to different universities and be too old to want to do things with the family.

 

Sure, Even´s younger brothers were only 15 and 12 at the time, but time flies, as you know. Soon they would all be grown-ups with their own families. At least that´s what his mother claimed.

 

*

 

“Yes,” Even simply answers without turning his head from the view in font of him.

 

It´s been some time since he though about Isak, now. For a long time Isak was a constant presence in the back of his mind.

 

*

 

At first, when Even was back from Europe and started contacting Isak again, they didn´t do anything else but talk and spend time together.

 

Isak started to work in a computer lab as an intern during his last year in high-school, to pay for rent. It had started as a summer job when Even was away, but they let him continue during the semester as well, since he was very talented apparently.

 

Sometimes Even went by Isak´s work and picked him up. They where doing computer simulations of protein interactions, which was way over Even´s head, but Isak seemed really into it, and Even loved coming by his job in the afternoons to watch him work.

 

During this time Even started at a preparatory film school trying to make work samples with Mikael, so he could apply for film school in uni next year.

 

*

 

He always longed for Isak whenever he got drunk. And then he called him up, sometimes in the middle of the night, or simply just walked to Kollektivet where Isak lived, and buzzed the door.

 

Isak would always let him in if he was home, and would always let Even sleep in his bed.

 

Even knew that he wanted more, but he was afraid to push Isak after what happened between them before last Christmas.

 

Even didn´t really talk to his friend about seeing Isak. He still thought their relationship was a little fragile, and he kind of wanted to keep it for himself. Sure everyone knew that they hang out together sometimes, but not to what extend.

 

*

 

He still remembers the first time he worked up the courage to kiss Isak again. It was almost a year after they first met, and even though they knew each other pretty well by now he was almost as nervous as when he kisses him that first time in the pool.

 

They had been walking back to Isak´s from the lab, where Even had ended up after a whole day of shooting with Mikael. They were making a short documentary about an old couple who feel in love over 50 years ago, and all Even could think of when the old pare talked was Isak. Of course he had to go to Isak straight after.

 

When they reached Isak´s front door, they both stopped. Even was weighing from side to side, with his hands in his pockets. He knew the plan was for him to go home now, but he didn´t want to. He had been flirting a little more with Isak lately, and since Isak didn´t push him away, or asked him to stop, he thought that he might have another chance.

 

So instead he kind of started swinging a little bit back and forth so he ended up with his face closer and closer to Isak each time he was leaning forward, wiggling his eyebrows.

 

It was extremely childish, but Isak smiled at him and tilted his head.

 

“Do you wanna come up?” Isak asked, looking at Even from under his eyelashes. Even could see a small blush spreading on his cheeks. That was fucking cute, and Even felt something stirring in his stomach.

 

“Yes,” Even almost whispered, and with his next swing forward he closed the distance between their faces and kissed him.

 

Isak immediately kissed him back, pulling him closer almost desperately.

 

Even could relate to that. It was a kiss long over due.

 

*

 

“So, have you heard anything from him lately?” Elias continues.

 

Even frowns and turns his head to his friend.

 

“From Isak? No, not in years, why?”

 

“No it´s just. Sana sent me this link.” Elias holds out his phone for Even to see.

 

“Sana?”

 

“Yeah, they keep in touch.”

 

 _Sana and Isak keeps in touch?_ That is news to Even.

 

He takes the phone from Elias and clicks on the link, which opens to a chronicle. A chronicle written by an _Isak Valtersen_ with the title “The one that got away.”

 

“What is this?” he asks.

 

“Apparently Isak has started to write chronicles in this journal.”

 

“What?” Even don´t understand.

 

“I don´t know. Sana just sent me this link. I think Isak is working as a medical journalist? Maybe he wanted to write other stuff as well.”

 

Even looks back at the phone. _“The one that got away.”_ He´s not sure why Sana sent this to Elias or why Elias is showing this to him. He didn´t even know Isak was a journalist, medical or not. Even starts to read it.

 

 

****

**_”The one that got away”_ **

_by Isak Valtersen_

_I am sure you all have someone. No matter what life you are living at the present, if you are happy or unhappy, single or in a relationship. No matter who you have become or what you have done with your life._

_No matter if you are old now, content with the life you had, or still in the middle of your busy life, juggling children´s dance practice with late job meetings._

_I am sure you all have that someone in the back of your mind, if you are truly honest with yourself. That someone that makes you wonder “what if?”_

_What if life had turned a slightly different way, or the timing had been better. What if you would have said those words that one time, or just hadn´t left for school abroad but would have stayed._

_That one story that never got to run it´s course, and therefor still stays as an unanswered question, somewhere at the back of your mind._

_And maybe sometime something reminds you of that someone, and you can´t help but think of the circumstances that led you to where you are now. And the circumstances that did not make that story happen._

_Not that you would definitely change anything about the life you have now. If things had played out differently, maybe it would just be one of your exes by now._

_Someone you tried it out with and ended it with, like all the others you left behind without ever looking back, before you are now settled with the love of your life._

_Or maybe, that was the love of your life and you didn´t even get to know it._

 

Even stops reading. He´s not sure he wants to read anymore.

 

Does Sana know Elias is with him in Stockholm right now? She must know, right? Does Sana know more about his and Isak´s back story than the boys? Apparently she´s still in contact with Isak, after all.

 

The thing is, sometimes, when his mind is wandering freely, to his past and his life choices and how his life has turned out, his thoughts wander to Isak and he always thinks what if things would have turned out differently at the time?

 

 _Isak_ is the one that got away, the one that still holds a question mark behind his name in Even´s life story. Isak is the one that Even never really got to have, and therefor still lingers in the back of his mind.

 

Or is that the only reason?

 

*

 

After that first second kiss, when Even followed Isak up to his room and they had sex again, they continued to met up. Often late at night, when one or both of them had been out to the pub, or when they had been hanging out with Isak´s friends playing FIFA or watching a movie. They didn´t talk about it, and they didn´t really tell anyone. At least Even didn´t.

 

Thinking back, he guesses that some of their friends probably knew that they were more than just friends, always staying behind at each other´s places when the rest of them left. At least Isak´s roommates must have known.

 

Later that year Even moved to his own apartment close to school and then Isak´s visits became almost invincible to everyone.

 

*

 

He is still not sure why they never took it one step further. Things just seemed to be going so well, and maybe they just didn´t feel like labelling what they had. He can´t remember all the reasons now.

 

They gave each other a lot of space. They didn´t question what the other person did and they didn´t spend all their time together. Even was quite busy finishing his work for his applications and Isak was at the last semester in high school struggling with exams while still working in the computer lab. Sometimes they didn´t see each other for more that a week.

 

Maybe there just wasn´t time for a relationship between them at the time. Maybe they thought that they had all the time in the world. It´s not like any of them where going anywhere.

 

Until Isak was.

 

And when Isak left Even realised he should have told him. He should have told him he was in love.

 

 

***

 

”You did what?!” Isak almost chokes on his coffee and snaps his head towards Sana sitting next to him on a park bench in Oslo.

 

She had asked him to meet her for a coffee after work, to enjoy the warm summer evening. They do this sometimes, met up to catch up. This has become their thing since they are both back in Oslo permanently.

 

“I sent your latest chronicle to Elias.” Sana repeats.

 

Isak is starring at his friend.

 

“Now why would you do that?” He frowns and shakes his head in disbelieve.

 

“He´s with Even on Mutta´s boat this week.”

 

Isak silences and just looks at her. He can´t believe what he is hearing. Yes he knows that Sana probably means well, but that text was never meant to reach the eyes of any of his old friends. Especially not _Even_. It´s in a small local journal for Christ´s sake. No one reads those!

 

Oh well, apparently Sana does.

 

*

 

He got the opportunity to write the chronicle a few month back, because one of the editorials is an old colleague of his, and he though it would be fun to write something more personal besides his usual reports from medical conferences.

 

When he got back from ETH in Zurich he started to do small reports for one of the medical journals on a free lance basis. He was a little bit tired of being tide up behind the computer and he always liked writing about science. After a while he decided to take some course in journalism and science communication and soon he got a regular position at the journal.

 

He´s been doing this for almost seven years now and he really likes it. It takes him all around the world to different conferences, and he still gets to keep up with all the latest research. But when he got the opportunity to try this with writing a free chronicle twice a month he still jumped at it. It´s a nice side gig and it let´s him write about what ever is on his mind at the moment, might it be something about the society or the general life in Olso or something more personal.

 

*

 

The chronicle _is_ about Even. Of course it is. And he started writing it because he was back in Zurich last month to cover a conference. It brought back a whole lot of memories from his first time there, when he had just left Olso for the opportunity of a lifetime, coming to ETH, on of the top universities in the field of bioinformatics.

 

He remembers being so excited, and at the same time so sad. He knows that he and Even never promised each other anything. They hardly acknowledged what they were doing. And maybe that was partly why he left.

 

He´s been thinking a lot about it since then, and being back in that town, where he had been so sad and so heartbroken… The truth is he hadn´t really realised he was going to be heartbroken before he was. He missed Even _so much_ , but he wasn´t even sure he had the right to miss him. He had never really been Isak´s to begin with.

 

Even never said that they would stay together, that they were going to build anything together. And everything was so good between them, Isak didn´t want to jeopardies that by asking for reassurances or promises. But in the end, that´s what drove him away.

 

He was too afraid to ask Even about it, because he couldn´t stand being told that Even didn´t feel the same. That it was all just fine if Isak wanted to go live in another country, that Even didn´t mind, he would just continue with his life without Isak in it. Isak couldn´t stand that knowledge, so it was easier to just leave.

 

He remembers himself snorting when Even told him he would miss him when he left. It was too little too late, and Isak wouldn´t let himself believe it.

 

*

 

“It is about Even, right?”

 

“No! It´s.. it´s just a general observation.”

 

“Based on personal experience.”

 

Isak keeps drinking his coffee, not really wanting to answer that question. Sana obviously knows the answer anyway.

 

“Well,” she says after a while. “It doesn´t apply to me.”

 

“Only because you married your high-school sweet heart.” Isak grins at her.

 

“I sure did.”

 

*

 

Of course he came back to Oslo at times. The first time was already after three month for his cousin´s birthday. After a couple of hours at the birthday party when he got a little tipsy he rang Even. After explaining that he was in Olso for a few days Even just replied “Come over.”

 

When he stood outside Even´s apartment door he suddenly felt a little nervous, but as soon as Even opened with a huge smile on his face, that disappeared. All he felt was relief at being back in his presence.

 

Even wrapped him up in a big hug and Isak felt like he could breath again. They started kissing already in the hallway, and soon found their way to Even´s bed.

 

When Isak left the apartment the next afternoon they both smiled, but as soon as he was out in the street he almost run to the bus stop and then he cried all the way back to his father´s house.

 

*

 

When Isak returned to Zurich they occasionally rang each other on facetime late in the evenings and talked for hours. Not about anything special, just keeping company, sometimes even watching the same movie at the same time in different countries.

 

Now and then Even sent him stupid memes in the middle of the day to which Isak almost never answered before he got home. They always got him all emotional, and he tried his best to keep those feelings away while he was in school.

 

He knows that he was sometimes a little bit cold in his communication, but it was all a way to try to mend his broken heart, trying to survive his own decision, by not giving in too much to the longing.

 

*

 

The next time he came back to Oslo he didn´t even rang, he just went to the preparatory film school and walked over to the media department. After a while he found Mikael in one of the studios, who told him Even was in the editing room. When he came in Even didn´t see him at first, as he was sitting with headphones on. Seeing him made Isak´s chest contract. The familiar sight of Even, hair soft today hanging down in his eyes, looking all concentrated at the computer screen, almost made Isak shiver. It was a weird mix of happiness and sadness at the same time.

 

And then when Even finally looked up, and Isak could see the initially flash of surprise quickly turning in to a smile so wide that his whole face crinkled, Isak felt like he was going to combust.

 

If Isak would have let himself believe it he might have thought it to be love in those eyes shining back at him in that moment.

 

They spent most of that weekend together, with a trip to Even´s granny on the Saturday. Where ever Even went he took Isak with him, like it was the most natural thing in the world. No one questioned his presence and no one asked them what they were to each other. Maybe if someone would have asked, they would have been forced to give an answer.

 

*

 

Isak has a hard time going to sleep that night. The thought of Even reading that chronicle doesn´t leave his mind. The thought that they think he had something to do with Sana sending that chronicle makes him cringe. Like some contact ad or something.

 

The next day he calls Sana.

 

“What exactly did you write to Elias?”

 

“When?”

 

“When you sent the link.”

 

“Oh, nothing. I just sent the link.”

 

That´s what Isak was afraid of.

 

“So, they might think I got you to send it?”

 

Sana keeps quite for a few seconds.

 

“No I don´t think so. That´s not your style is it?”

 

“They don´t really know my style?”

 

“I´m sure they do, Isak. People might change, but not that much. When was the last time you had any contact with Even anyway?”

 

Okay, maybe she has a point. It is fucking embarrassing anyway.

 

“I´m.. I think the last time was after that festival.”

 

It _was_ after that festival. Of course he knows when it was.

 

*

 

The last time they saw each other was when they ran into each other at a music festival five years ago. Seeing Even again was intoxicating. He was a full-grown man by now, and more beautiful than ever. He was also there with his girlfriend at the time, Mary, and some other friends. As far as Isak knew he still lived in London, but was obviously spending time in Olso over the summer.

 

Isak was there with Sana and Eva and two work colleagues.

 

Soon their two groups merged and ended up spending the evening together. It was weird and nice at the same time. It reminded Isak of some of their summers when they were younger, but at the same time it really sucked not being able to be alone with Even. He longed for a moment away from the group just the two of them.

 

Later in the evening people spread all over the place, and they got separated. Isak found himself alone at one of the beer tents when Even came walking towards him, alone.

 

“Halla.” Even tilted his head in that endearing way he always did.

 

“Halla.”

 

They hadn´t talked in years and Isak was aching to ask how he was doing, what life in London was really like (not just the shallow versions they had been fed all night), if he was happy, if he was finally living his dream.

 

They ended up walking away from the crowd to a more quiet area, and sat down on the grass in a small slope, overlooking the festival. They were sitting close, but not so close that it could be considered unappropriate.

 

“So, how have you been?” Even asked.

 

“Fine. I´m fine.”

 

Isak was back living in Oslo, but he didn´t know if Even knew that. He didn´t elaborate.

 

“And you? Are you living your dream?”

 

“Yes, I guess I am, more or less. I still want to do more film of my own, but it´s good. Life is good.”

 

Even looked at him with those lingering eyes and put a hand on Isak´s arm.

 

“It´s really good to see you, Isak.”

 

“You too.”

 

“You know, I´ve been thinking about contacting you. You know, to catch up some time.”

 

“We should do that.” Isak smiled at him.

 

It was a lovely night, one of these few really warm tender nights of summer when everything seemed just a little bit magic. The sun had just settled behind the horizon leaving some lingering colours behind. The trees in the festival area were lit up by lanterns and the air was heavy with laughter and music in the distance.

 

And it was just so nice to be sitting here, next to Even, feeling the warmth of his body right next to him again, exchanging a few words, smiling at each other. It felt right.

 

But the night would end soon, and they would have to go back to real life.

 

“So, she seems nice, Mary.”

 

“Yeah, well. It isn´t that serious.”

 

She still followed you on vacation to visit your hometown, Isak thought. But then again, last he heard Even had been with someone else, some Elise or something, so maybe it wasn´t that serious.

 

“What about you, are you seeing someone?”

 

Isak looked down on his hands.

 

“Yeah, I am.”

 

Back in Oslo, working night at the hospital was Markus. They had been dating for almost 7 months now, so it was definitely getting more serious. Markus was tall and blond with blue eyes, just Isak´s type. He had big strong arms that he loved to wrap around Isak and almost lift him of the ground when they were hugging, even if Isak was almost as tall as him. He had a generous laugh and always made everyone around him feel comfortable. They had a lot of fun together, went to concerts and Markus had introduced him to the joy of going to the theatre. He was really good at giving Isak compliments and telling Isak how he felt, making him feel desired and appreciated. Markus was a really good man.

 

Still, Isak wasn´t sure what he would have done if Even would have kissed him right in that moment.

It was a precious night, but then it ended. Even´s phone went off and they were dragged back to reality.

 

A few days after that night Even sent Isak a text message. It was just a random meme, like they used to send each other all the time, but it was the first one in years. Isak answered something illogical, like expected.

 

They didn´t get to see each other before Even went back to London, but they kept texting. Even would send him funny things he found on the Internet, or sometimes pictures of strange things he saw in the streets. It was nice. In a strange way it was comforting to have contact again, even in this small form. To get to see a little bit of Even´s life, or an idea of what was going on in his mind.

 

But then Even broke off with Mary and asked Isak to come visit him in London.

 

And Isak just couldn´t.

 

He couldn´t just give up everything on a whim and go off to London to meet Even. He knew they were officially some kind of friends, he could have pretended to go visit a friend. But he knew that was not what he wanted from Even. He didn´t want to go to London with false hopes, they still hadn´t talked. Not about the things that really mattered. And even if, they were still living in different countries.

 

So Isak said no. And after that, they texted each other further and further in between, until they just stopped. He doesn´t even remember what was the last thing they sent to each other, or who sent the last one, he just knows that it was sometime that autumn.

 

 

***

 

When Even lays in his bunk later that evening, now that Mutta´s family has left he doesn´t have to sleep toe to toe with Mikael anymore, his thoughts wanders back to Isak.

 

*

 

They had been in contact, not frequently but at least more or less regularly, the first couple of month, meeting up whenever Isak was in Olso. That Christmas Isak was only in Olso for a few days since some of his friends decided to go visit him in Zurich to celebrate the New Year instead. Even couldn´t come with since he was saving money.

 

Then, it all changed. Even was accepted to a film course in London.

 

He remembers the phone call.

 

He was lying in his bed in Olso, and Isak was lying, or so he said, in his bed in Zurich, the New Year celebration just over. Even doesn´t quite know why, but he had been almost scared to tell Isak. They had been talking about his plans to apply for schools abroad, but now he was actually going, much quicker than he had expected. The course was only for one semester, and his uncle gave him the money for the fee as a Christmas present, but the goal was to keep applying and getting in to one of the programs for the autumn.

 

“That´s really great, Even.”

 

He heard Isak´s voice in his ear, the soothing feeling of hearing it. So close, like he was in the same room, but still so far away.

 

“Yeah,” was all Even could answer.

 

“It´s finally happening. You´re going to work with film, directing movies.”

 

“Well, we´ll see about that. I still have to get into one of the programs.”

 

“You will. I´m sure of it.”

 

His body filled up with the warmest of feelings, Isak always being so supportive and believing in him.

 

The voice on the other end was quiet for a while. Even could hear Isak breathing.

 

This felt like a goodbye, even though there was no real reason for it. They weren’t living in the same country to begin with, but still. They both new this was going to make them meet even less. When ever Isak would go back to visit family or friends, Even wouldn´t be there. Seeing each other would be much harder from now on, maybe even have to be planned, and that´s not how their relationship was working.

 

Surely, they would theoretically stay friends, but would they actually make an effort to make it happen? With everything so unspoken between them, how would that work?

 

*

 

When Isak first decided to move away, Even regretted not telling him how he felt. But he didn´t want to bring it up only to complicate things. Isak was still going, he was already on his way. Even realized that he should have said something a lot sooner. Now it was to late.

 

The only thing he knew how to do was letting Isak move away without dumping all his feelings on him. That would have been a terrible going away present.

 

He remembers Isak reacting doubted when he worked up the courage to tell him he was going to miss him. It could have been something you say casually to a friend, of course you would still miss a friend moving to another country, but he was so serious when he told Isak, and this was so much more.

 

He was a little surprised by Isak´s reaction. Did Isak not realize how much he meant to Even, after all the time they spent together? But then again maybe him going away was answer enough that Isak didn´t feel the same way.

 

*

 

Fuck, why was this so hard, when everything was so easy between them when they were spending time together? They hadn´t even been proper boyfriends, even though they had more or less lived like it for a time.

 

Maybe some of their friend thought of them as something like friends with benefits, but that´s never what it felt like. Not for Even at least. He knew he was somewhat a romantic, but from time to time he had truly believed that they would just keep going and stay together, like it was meant to be. Like they would just morph into boyfriends without even talking about it, because that´s how natural it felt. He had even toyed with the idea of asking Isak to move in with him.

 

But now, with him soon in London and Isak still in Zurich, what were the odds of that happening?

 

Maybe it´s just life, he thought. Maybe this is what happens when you grow up and life throws you in different directions.

 

*

 

Even recalls his own childish thoughts. He knows by now, being older and at least somewhat wiser, that those things never work out if you don’t talk about them. Communication is the key to any healthy relationship, and Isak and him had been absolutely terrible in that department.

 

Of course, they had been so young. But still. He should have known better. His therapist spoke to him all the time of the importance of letting people he cared about knowing about his feelings concerning his illness. He should have known that that would also apply to other aspects of life.

As he is lying there, feeling the slow rocking of the boat underneath him, hearing the snoozing of his friends, he wonders if he could talk to them now. Not that it would change anything in the past, but he suddenly feels that he has been keeping all these feelings and everything that went down between him and Isak to himself all his life, and he suddenly gets the urge to share them with someone.

 

Isak did mean quite a lot to him for many years after all, and maybe it´s time to share that secret.

 

 

The next day he and Elias walk to the other side of the island to go swimming. According to Mutta the beach is better on that side. Mikael, who is still suffering from a little sunburn, volunteers to help Mutta kit up for the trip back in the island shops.

 

As they walk the small path through the light pine forest, Even decides to just go for it. He has been thinking about it all morning.

 

“You know, I was actually in love with Isak for years,” he starts out of the blue.

 

“Really?” Elias looks at him.

 

“Yeah, I think so.”

 

Even picks up a pinecone and plays with in in his hand, as they continue walking slowly.

 

They are silent for a while, sun shining down on them. Even feels it in his bones, enjoying the warm summer air on his skin. He is content, he thinks. Life is good and worth living. He didn´t always fell that way, but now. He knows that just being in the world is a beautiful place to be. It´s something he has learnt with age.

 

When he was younger he would love the world and he would hate the world, it would shift so quickly. Sometimes he dreamt about living in a movie, being able to direct his own life. In movies, everything was more highlighted, more drastic, like he perceived himself. He used to think living a tragic life was better than living a dull life.

 

His idea of what is dull has changed since then. He now appreciats the smaller things in life, like being able to walk beside a friend in the sun, smelling the pines, hearing the sounds of the ocean in a far. He´s not hungry, he´s not homeless, he has people who care about him. He´s not sick and no one he cares about is sick. If he would but a word to it he guesses he feels grateful.

 

And he just confessed that he once loved Isak.

 

“I always suspected there was something between you,” Elias says. “Well that was quite obvious for everyone really.”

 

Even snorts.

 

“But I didn´t know to what extent. Or how serious it was,” he continues.

“Maybe I didn´t know either.”

 

Elias gives him a questioning look.

 

“Not until it was too late, anyway.”

 

Even can´t help but sound more sad than he attended. He didn´t even realize he is still somewhat affected by this. Not until all these feelings came tumbling back yesterday.

 

Elias pats him on the shoulder.

 

“I´m sorry,” he says.

 

“Well, I only have myself to blame really. I never told him.”

 

“What? You never talked about it? During all these years you were friends, you never talked about it?”

 

“No.”

 

“You used to hang out all the time thou.”

 

“I know.”

 

“And then he moved,” Elias says, as if it is final.

 

“We met up after that as well, as soon as we were in the same city,” Even explains.

 

“Shit, I didn´t know that.”

 

Another silence. And then the hard one:

 

“What happened?”

 

Well, that is really the question, isn´t it? Life happened, and they were not careful enough not to let it pull them apart.

 

“Nothing really. I guess it wasn´t really important enough for him.” And maybe Even sounds a little bitter at that.

 

“How do you know if you never asked? It´s not as if you said anything either, is it.”

Even thinks about that for a moment. He guesses Elias has a point. He never said anything, so how would Isak have known?

 

What if this chronicle was really about him. What if they had been in love and had just wasted the opportunity by not telling each other?

 

Shit, that would be so sad though. The thought makes him frown.

He has been living a good life. He _is_. And he has had relationships and shorter love stories, with both women and men. He has lived his life and felt love and affection, but nothing has ever touched deep enough for him to bother in the long run. He hasn´t felt that connection, that feeling of belonging.

Not since Isak.

 

Suddenly the old longing hits him like a truck. It is such a familiar feeling that he has somewhat written it off as being nostalgia, something mixed up with memories of a long forsaken youth.

 

But what if it is more than that?

 

He stops dead in his tracks and Elias looks at him in surprise.

 

“Do you have Isak´s number?” he blurts.

 

Elias smirkes.

 

“No. But Sana does.”

 

 

***

 

About a week later Isak´s phone rings. He is just locking up the office, being the last one to leave. Well, most staff is on vacation so it has really only been him and one of his colleagues in all day. Summer time Oslo is sleepy in this part of town.

 

He fishes the phone out of his left pocket. He doesn´t recognize the number.

 

“Isak Valtersen.”

 

“Hi Isak.”

 

He freezes, keys still in his hand. He knows that voice.

 

“Even?”

 

“Yes, it´s me.”

 

He has to clear his voice, suddenly feeling a lump in his throat.

 

“Oh hi, how.. how have you been?”

 

He has been thinking way too much about Even this last week. Now suddenly hearing his voice makes him strangely teary, but it is of relief. It is so damn good to hear his voice.

 

“Fine. Everything´s fine. I got your number from Sana, hope that´s okay.”

 

Fucking hell. Sana, _of course_. That´s why she posted that picture of them together on her insta a few days ago.

 

 

*

 

He got a notification a few days back. Sana had posted a picture of hers and Isak´s faces smooched together in the Olso sun, with the capture “Hanging with my best bud <3”.

 

They _had_ seen each other that afternoon. Since almost everyone was out of town, Yousef still in Turkey visiting family when Sana had to return to work, they meet almost every afternoon, prolonging the feelings of summer. But that picture had not been taken that afternoon but months ago.

 

**Isak**

 

Why did you post that picture?

 

**Sanasol**

 

We did hang, didn´t we?

 

**Isak**

 

Yes.

But that picture is old.

 

**Sanasol**

 

Not that old.

You still look the same.

 

**Isak**

_I_ still look the same?

 

**Sanasol**

 

I mean we still look the same.

 

 

 

He dropped it after that.

 

 

*

 

She hadn´t told him anyone was asking for his number thou.

 

“No, no it´s fine. Of course.”

 

He locks the door, slips the keys down in his bag and puts his sunglasses on.

 

“It´s good to hear your voice,” he blurts.

 

“Same.” Even´s voice is so close in his ear. It feels like a caress.

 

“I read your chronicle. Elias showed it to me.”

 

“Which one?” he asks, a smile spreading on his face. He knows which on but teasing Even is always fun.

 

And it has the desired effect. Even laughs at the other end.

 

Even doesn´t answer the question. Guess they know each other too well, even after all these years.

 

“I was in Sweden at the time, but I´m back now.”

 

 _Back._ Being back. That´s when they used to call each other up. They met up a few times even after Even moved to London, when they were both in Oslo, mostly during summers or at Christmas. But there was no more kissing and definitely no more sex. It was as if they had both capitulated to their faith of being irreversibly separated. Still, it was all their doing. No one else had separated them.

 

After a while they stopped contacting each other. It just kind of happened. Until they meet again at that festival.

 

Is this the same again? A small reminiscence of their joint past?

 

He realises he has been silent to long when Even adds:

 

“I really want to see you. I´ve been thinking so much about you this last week.”

 

Yeah, he can relate to that.

 

Still, hearing Even say it fills him with a warm feeling. _God_ , he really wants to see him too.

 

“Where do you live, Even?”

 

He can´t help but ask. It just slips out of him. He still wants to see him, but he needs to prepare himself a little before. Needs to know some basic facts. Not that were Even is living, or if he is single, says anything of his feeling for Isak, but he still wants to know.

 

“I´m back in Oslo since January.” Isak can here the smile in Even´s voice when he answers.

 

“And I´m not seeing anyone,” he adds, like he can read Isak´s mind.

 

 _Oh my_ , that was blunt. It still makes Isak laugh and Even joins him at the other end. It´s a liberating feeling laughing together with Even, especially about this. Maybe they are finally mature enough to actually talk to each other.

 

“Neither am I.”

 

He realises Even doesn’t know, and he deserves to know. Not matter what, he wants to be honest. No matter it there is something left between them or not, he wants to acknowledge what it was, what they had, and he wants to be honest with everything.

 

“So no juggling children´s dance practice then?” Even teases.

 

"No." Isak laughs.

 

They are silent for a few seconds.

 

“So, what are you doing now? Isak asks. They might as well jump at it.

 

“Nothing. Wanna meet up?”

 

“Yes.”

 

 

40 minutes later Isak is sitting on a bench down at Langkaia, over-looking the Opera House. He doesn´t know why he suggested this place, it just seemed to be somewhat in the middle of were they where coming from different directions, and looking at water always calms him down. At it is not a busy with tourists as down at Aker Bygge.

 

Even sent him a message 15 minutes ago saying he was on his way and that he would bring them coffee.

 

Isak feels a little bit nervous. Of course he does, he hasn´t seen Even in a long time. And today, over the phone, it felt like they were done toe tipping around. He wants to tell Even everything about what he felt over the years. If nothing else, he wants Even to _know_. And now when they are both back living in Oslo, he realises he wants Even back in his life, no matter in what form.

 

Then he sees a tall, slender figure in the far, walking towards him. Long confident strides, straight back and head high; two take away cups in his hands.

 

Isak keeps looking as he approaches, the familiar sight of Even sending a jolting feeling through him. He takes a shaking breath. Even looks absolutely stunning. Tanned arms under a black tee, sunglasses on his head holding his hair back, bag slung over his chest bouncing on his hip, strong looking _gorgeous_ legs coming out of his city shorts.

 

As he comes closer, looking straight at Isak all the time, Isak can see his smile grow wider and wider. That smile.

 

 _God_ , he missed him so much.

 

 

***

 

Even sees Isak immediately, sitting at a bench far away. He can feel the excitement filling him up as he walks as fast as he can without spilling the coffee.

 

Isak is looking absentmindedly out over the water. Even from this distance Even recognises that beautiful profile, the strong jaw line that he used to love kissing along.

 

Isak is sitting with his arms on the back of the bench, flaunting his broader shoulders and his slim waist in a light grey shirt with the sleeves rolled up and jeans shorts.

 

As he comes closer Isak turns his head and their eyes lock. He can feel the smile spreading in his face, he couldn´t stop it if he tried.

 

Isak puts his hands in his lap, straitening his back.

 

He always found Isak good looking, but _this_ , the man waiting for him on that bench now.

 

 _Wow_.

 

Isak looks so grown up, his features even more defined. The blond curls, bleached by the sun, still falling into his face, that amazing cupid´s bow still crowning his sensitive looking mouth, but some of the cuteness is gone. Even thinks this might be the most handsome man he has ever seen.

 

When he reaches the bench he is almost out of breath. He slumps down besides Isak straight away, putting the cups behind him.

 

“Hi.”

 

“Hi.”

 

Isak leans forwards and engulfs him in a bone-crushing hug. Even hugs him back with all he´s got. It feels so good to have him back in his arms; he never wants to let go.

 

They hug for a long time. Even breathes in the smell of Isak, putting his nose in his neck. He still smells the same.

 

“I´ve missed you,” Isak says in his ear and Even squeezes him a little bit harder at that.

 

When they finally part Even keeps his arm on the backrest of the bench, behind Isak´s back. He reaches for the coffees with his left hand and hands Isak a cup.

 

“Thank you, “ Isak says and takes a sip, still looking at him.

 

They stay turned towards each other on the bench, knees bumping in the middle. Even never wants to move further away again. He didn´t realise he would feel this much upon seeing Isak again. The urge to touch is almost burning in his fingers. He doesn´t know if he´s allowed to.

 

They talk a little while about what´s going on in their lives, Isak telling him about his work, Even about the decision to move back to Oslo.

 

It´s warm and tender, their smiles fond. Even wonders if Isak is still feeling anything of what they used to feel. Well, he doesn´t actually knows what Isak used to feel. He knows what _he_ used to feel, and all the regrets he has, so he decides to just tell him.

 

“You know I was in love with you for so long,” he says.

 

Surprise flashes over Isak´s face, and then he smiles a small but almost sad smile. He looks down at his cup.

 

“Why didn´t you tell me?”

 

“I..I don´t know. I guess I didn´t want to complicate things.”

 

Isak is still looking down.

 

“But I know I regret it,” he continues.

 

“That chronicle, was it about me?” he dares to ask. He has to know.

 

Isak looks out over the water.

 

“Yeah.” He drags the word out.

 

So, they _were_ in love, and still none of them ever said anything. The thought makes Even sad all of a sudden.

 

“Fuck. What a waist,” he blurts.

 

Isak chuckles a little at that. He looks back at him.

 

“Yeah, what a fucking waist.”

 

Even realises that Isak doesn´t look sad. Instead he tilts his head and squint his eyes a little, a mischievous look in his them.

 

“But here we are,” he says.

 

Even bits his lip.

 

“Yeah, here we are,” he almost whispers back, butterflies erupting in his stomach.

 

He sees Isak slowly licking his lips and then mimicking Even´s biting.

 

 _Fuck_ , he knows that look. That´s how Isak looks when he wants to kiss him.

 

Even hopes he is right. He hopes with all he´s got that he can still read Isak. He hopes he doesn´t make a complete fool of himself now, as he slowly leans forward, question in his eyes.

 

He doesn´t have to wait for an answer long as Isak meets him in the middle, kissing him reassuringly.

 

He guesses they can still read each other.

 

The feeling of Isak´s lips once again against his own makes him draw in a sharp breath. He presses back, not wanting Isak to doubt this for even a second. Isak scoots closer, grabs for Even´s waist and tilts his head to get a better angle.

 

Even parts his lips and immediately feels Isak´s tongue. It sends a wave through his body, all down to his toes. When Isak moans a little he can feel his cock responding to that sound. He grabs at Isak´s shoulder, pulling him, his other hand grabbing at Isak´s hair. He kisses him deep with all he´s got. He feels like he wants to eat him up, the desire shooting down though his body, clouding his mind, making him hard in seconds. Isak´s leg coming over his own so he´s almost half way in Even´s lap now.

 

Isak pulls of, gasping for air, his breathing heavy.

 

“Oh my God.” He leans their foreheads together and starts giggling. Even joins him.

 

“What are we, making out on a bench like two teenagers?” Even laughs.

 

“I´d make out with you anywhere,” Isak says softly, arms over Even´s shoulders.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah. I want you in my life, Even. I don´t want to loose you again.”

 

Even can´t help but kiss him at that. How could he not?

 

Put Isak pulls back again, a little more to look him in the eyes now.

 

“I mean it,” he says. “Like for real. I´ve been so stupid before, I don´t want that again.”

 

Even looks at him and feels all those old feelings swirling up in him. Except they don´t fell old at all, it feels like they´ve been there the whole time, he just didn´t want to acknowledge them.

 

“Me too,” he says. “For real this time.”

 

 

 

THE END

 

***

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is inspired by the song "Calleth You, Cometh I" by The Ark
> 
> Listen to it here: https://open.spotify.com/track/2kvg4AwMIstkygdQhfFfSf


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